The Darwinian Gardener adjusted a drain snake and fed it carefully into a PVC pipe jutting out of his house’s foundation, a pipe that removes the condensation from his A/C unit. He used a respectably large snake for the task. No garden snake, at least 25 feet of coiled, albeit rusty steel. He keeps it on standby for summer emergencies.

But let’s pause here in mid-motion. Who is this Darwinian Gardener, and what is he doing outside in this heat?

The Darwinian Gardener is Florida’s foremost exponent of survival-of-the-fittest lawn-and-garden care. He is not a lifestyle coach for thirsty turfgrass and fussy exotic flowers. No, he’s the assistant track coach who makes everyone run extra laps while he retires to the office to cool off.

And in these days of record-breaking heat, you might want to pause in your outdoor labors to Ask the Darwinian Gardener:

Q: Why were you poking around a drainage pipe in this heat?

A: The Darwinian Gardener is a do-it-yourself advocate for both garden and home. His straining air conditioner unit was chugging away until it abruptly shut off. It appeared that the pipe that carried off the condensation from hot, soggy air had clogged with a bacteria colony. Yuck. Water backed up into the unit’s condenser pan and sensors responded by putting a halt to that kind of nonsense.

He twirled the snake around a few times then pulled it out. This released a substance that looked like vanilla pudding. A stream of water quickly pushed out more gunk. He was back in business. The compressor responded by compressing contentedly.

Usually, the gunk-in-the-pipe problem doesn’t break out until August, but this has been a hot early summer. June’s high temperature of 101 came within one degree of breaking the all-time highest temperature officially recorded in Daytona Beach — 102 degrees, first set in 1926 and last matched in 1984.

Q: What on earth does that have to do with gardening?

A: The Darwinian Gardener’s air conditioner drains off into this side yard, much to the delight of all kinds of volunteer plants: Lantanas, which are invasive but liked by butterflies and birds; pokeweed, liked by birds, and air-potato vines, ultra-invasive and hated by all right-thinking gardeners. All are happy to soak up the drippings from the overworked air conditioner in this dry summer.

This meant that his plumbing chore had to be followed by cutting and hacking to keep this unruly crowd from swallowing up the air conditioner unit. He was sweating and winded by the time he made it back into the kitchen to stand awhile in front of an open refrigerator.

Q: Were you so winded and sweaty that you didn’t notice the dead tree in your front yard?

A: It is not dead, only resting. You are referring to the Darwinian Gardener’s red maple planted last winter. It’s also called a swamp maple, which hints at its watering preferences. This June was especially hot and dry, sunny and windy. Something that sucks the moisture right out of a leaf. The result is leaf scorch. The poor thing is still working on its root system and was having trouble getting enough water upstairs.

The brown leaves are goners, but there are still enough green leaves to keep up operations. A few more cloudy, rainy afternoons and some moderate watering will keep things going until temperatures get more moderate and the root system grows some more. He added a little mulch around the base while he was at it so the ground won’t dry off so fast.

The Darwinian Gardener believes people are far too quick to write off plants that are merely going through a rough patch.  

Q: What kind of fertilizing regimen should I stick to in the summer months.

A: In summer you should carefully lug your fertilizer bag to the back of your garage and place it next to the half-empty paint cans you keep because you claim you might touch up the walls someday. Then put one of your hurricane tarps over it, lest it gives anyone ideas.

 Volusia and other counties have a fertilizer blackout period from June through September. No dumping fertilizer containing nitrogen or phosphorous on the lawn all summer. Really, with the occasional afternoon thunderstorm and downpour, a lot of that expensive lawn chemistry ends up in storm sewers and rivers anyway.

Fertilizer is not for lawns; it’s for pet plants, ornamentals, fruit trees and plants that other people think might be dead but just need some encouragement. The Darwinian Gardener’s fertilizer blackout period is expected to extend to sometime in the 2030s.

Mark Lane is a News-Journal columnist. His email is mark.lane@news-jrnl.com.